Mutual Purpose

The bestselling Crucial Conversations (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler, 2002 McGraw-Hill) has a great and simple tip about helping us establish safety when we need to talk about something controversial. They suggest taking care that a sense of Mutual Purpose is honored and guarded.

If you need to give difficult feedback, you've got to show the other person that your goals for giving the feedback are for the Mutual Purpose. Otherwise, it is too easy for the listener to lose trust and feel defensive.

The writers are quick to point out that Mutual Purpose is not a technique. You have to really care about the interests of the other person, as well as our own.