We provide mediation for separating couples. There's an old saying among criminal defense lawyers that their clients when in court are "bad people at their best" and among divorce lawyers that their clients are "good people at their worst."
The divorce clients I have seen are fine people, trying to do their best, in very difficult situations. No matter what, there are issues of betrayal, grief over broken promises, fear of change, and the fact of a much different financial horizon for each party.
Divorce costs a lot: attorneys fees, separate living quarters, perhaps therapy. The untangling of finances, the complicated parenting arrangements, and the processing of emotions take energy.
Mediation is not a cure-all for any of this, but I've seen it help tremendously. Sitting down with an ex-partner in this situation is a profound act of respect. According to longitudinal research conducted at the University of Virginia, fathers who used mediation were shown years later to be twice as likely to have good relationships with their children as those who did not.
If you or someone you know is dealing with the end of a relationship, Julie Potts at jpotts@disputesettlement.org can tell you more about using mediation.
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There's also the factor of ending the story the way it began -- two people sitting down together, getting to know what's important about the other and building a relationship -- though different, but still as important and profound. People willing to sit across from one another in divorce mediation are heroes to me. There are other options that play on the negative feelings that linger, but they choose a less-traveled path that requires bringing their full selves to the table.
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