Face Time

I just heard a BBC story on research showing that being with people face-to-face has health benefits. Not surprising, "face time" has declined over the last 20 years as people spend time on the internet and with social media (as you and I are doing right now.)

Mediators have struggled with telephone mediation and on-line mediation (and many use this if it is the only way feasible) but generally conclude that face-to-face mediation is more useful and effective.

Have you ever gotten in to an email snit with someone, then easily worked it out in person?

The Fog of Conflict

Most days at the Dispute Settlement Center we are fielding calls from people who are feeling a mix of anger, frustration, and confusion. They typically feel wronged or at least disrespected. They often feel a bit lost.

Callers aren't interested in what agency program they might fit in to, or what terms mediators might use to describe their situation. They are in the Fog of Conflict. What seems to help is clarifying with them what is important to them, and giving them some neutral outside perspective, mainly through asking careful open-ended questions.

I was in a difficult professional situation this past year. In my confusion, I was seeing one way out - straight ahead. My friend, acting as a neutral, reminded me of other perspectives, all of which I initially rejected. Over time, with her prodding, I came to see the other perspectives. Things began to make more sense, and I emerged from the Fog.

Not complicated stuff. But her skill (she's a trained and experienced mediator!) was just what I needed in order to emerge from the conflict feeling I had done my best.