Most managers dread having to give feedback about work performance to someone they supervise. It is the manager's job to provide this as needed, but how can one avoid defensiveness in these conversations?
We talk a lot about "I" statements in conflict resolution skills trainings. If we start with an "I" statement in providing feedback, we can respectfully share our story with some humilty. Maybe we will find out new information that will change our understanding of the situation. After sharing your story, ask the other person for her story.
If you share a mutual purpose, you can, after clarifying understandings, move toward problem-solving. If you don't share a mutual purpose, they may be a more difficult conversation ahead!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Mutual Purpose
The bestselling Crucial Conversations (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler, 2002 McGraw-Hill) has a great and simple tip about helping us establish safety when we need to talk about something controversial. They suggest taking care that a sense of Mutual Purpose is honored and guarded.
If you need to give difficult feedback, you've got to show the other person that your goals for giving the feedback are for the Mutual Purpose. Otherwise, it is too easy for the listener to lose trust and feel defensive.
The writers are quick to point out that Mutual Purpose is not a technique. You have to really care about the interests of the other person, as well as our own.
If you need to give difficult feedback, you've got to show the other person that your goals for giving the feedback are for the Mutual Purpose. Otherwise, it is too easy for the listener to lose trust and feel defensive.
The writers are quick to point out that Mutual Purpose is not a technique. You have to really care about the interests of the other person, as well as our own.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Our underfunded court system
Most of us don't think about our court system very much. It's just there. We don't like to think about it because most of us don't like to think about conflict (unless we are watching slick courtroom dramas on TV.)
Just think though if we did not have a court system. Chaos! Self-help! More violence!
North Carolina's leadership in mediation has helped its court system function as well as it does.
This is from Judge W. David Lee, chair of North Carolina's Dispute Resolution Commission:
When money is scarce, our courts often “feel the pinch”, as well. ... Just like our citizens who have been hard hit, our courts must find ways to adapt to our current environment. While our citizens grapple with these economic and related issues, I am convinced that our situation would be worse absent the mediation process.... Beyond our Superior Court’s Mediated Settlement Conference Program and our District Court’s Family Financial Settlement Program, Dispute Settlement Centers operating across our State are successfully mediating thousands of juvenile cases and misdemeanor criminal matters, further reducing the burden on our courts. In addition, those same Centers serve to resolve a wide array of disputes voluntarily brought to them by citizens hopeful of resolving their conflicts short of litigation and court involvement.
Just think though if we did not have a court system. Chaos! Self-help! More violence!
North Carolina's leadership in mediation has helped its court system function as well as it does.
This is from Judge W. David Lee, chair of North Carolina's Dispute Resolution Commission:
When money is scarce, our courts often “feel the pinch”, as well. ... Just like our citizens who have been hard hit, our courts must find ways to adapt to our current environment. While our citizens grapple with these economic and related issues, I am convinced that our situation would be worse absent the mediation process.... Beyond our Superior Court’s Mediated Settlement Conference Program and our District Court’s Family Financial Settlement Program, Dispute Settlement Centers operating across our State are successfully mediating thousands of juvenile cases and misdemeanor criminal matters, further reducing the burden on our courts. In addition, those same Centers serve to resolve a wide array of disputes voluntarily brought to them by citizens hopeful of resolving their conflicts short of litigation and court involvement.
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